Saturday 14 July 2012

Getting a handle on international wanking

Image:  redrockfx.com
SPAIN All sorts of questions arise from those of us who don't know our Libor from our assets. We know that if we're not being impacted by the present financial crisis, which in Spain is already five years old (!), things are bound to get worse long before they get any better. Below we offer an explanation as to how and why this should be. If you are a wanker or a politician, or both more likely, you should probably stop reading here. If you're an international dealer of any kind working for any international wank, you should probably be in prison. If you're just an ordinary person, a Joe or a Jan Bloggs, you should probably reach for the nearest box of tissues. If you like, just read on.>>>
PLEASE BE AWARE THAT ITEMS SUCH AS THIS MAY BE SUBJECT TO SUBSCRIPTION IN THE FUTURE - UNLESS UNSCRUPULOUS WANKERS HAVE ALREADY TAKEN YOUR MONEY, IN WHICH CASE YOU MAY QUALIFY FOR A BETTER GIFT HERE THAN ON ANOTHER COMPETING WEBSITE - YOU KNOW THE KIND OF THING, A SET OF KITCHEN KNIVES (to slit your wrists), POTS AND PANS (to cook your goose), A TOASTER (in which to get burned). 


What is the ECB?
The BCE is the central wank for member states of the European Union that belong to the Euro Zone (EZ), such as Spain, Portugal, Greece, Italy, Ireland, etc.

Where does ECB money come from?
The ECB money, its share capital, is the money from all EZ member states. In other words, it's our money, the citizens of the EU's Euro Zone's money, paid up in proportion to each country's werewithal. Germany put in 20% of the total. The 17 countries that belong to the EZ put up 70% of the ECB's share capital, and the remaining 10 countries (to a total of 27 overall), contributed 30%

Is that a lot of money?
The share capital was €5.8 billion, but at the end of 2009 it was decided to increase it for the first time since the wank's inception close to twelve years ago. The increase was in three phases: at the end of 2010, the end of 2011 and the end of 2012, which would take the share capital to €10.6 billion.

So if the ECB is the EU's Euro Zone central wank, it can lend money to Spain, Portugal, Greece, Italy, Ireland, etc. as any wank can do. Is that right?
No, it can't.

Why?
Why? Well ...um ... those are the rules.

So who can the ECB lend money to?
To other wanks: French, German, Spanish, Italian, Greek, Portuguese, etc.

I've got it! If Spain, Italy, France, Germany, Portugal, Ireland need to borrow money, they go to another wank, which has borrowed money from the ECB. Right?
Yes.

Just a simple question: Why make it so complicated? Wouldn't it be better if Spain, Greece, Portugal, Ireland, Italy, etc. borrowed directly fronm the ECB?
Well, yes, it would be. In a sense. But the wankers wouldn't make any money on those deals...

Okay, got it! It's clear enough: the banks have to earn some money ...
Yes. From May to December, 2010, the ECB lent €72 billion to EZ countries, the so called 'sovereign debt', through a group of wanks, at 1%. And that group of wanks lent that money to EZ countries (Greece, Italy, Ireland, Portugal, etc.) at 6 or 7%.

Hey, that's great business!
Yes, it is, isn't it? Just for going to Brussels to borrow money, look what they get! They don't even have to go to Brussels beacuse the ECB headquarters is in Frankfurt. That's in Germany. Take Portugal as an example, the wanks made between €3 and 4 billion... 

Wow! But that's close to usury, isn't it? If that money came to us direct, we wouldn't have to cut pensions, freeze pay and unemployment benefits, or anything.We wouldn't have to cut back in Health and Education ...
Yes but, people have to be aware that wanks have to make a lot of money or they wouldn't be able to pay dividends to their shareholders, to pay pensions and perks to their Board members, or to their top executives... There wouldn't be any golden parachutes, or judicial reviews, or parliamentary reviews ... How would all those MPs get a job?

Okay, so who's in charge at the ECB? How can they allow such scandalous practices?
The ECB is run by the governments of the EZ countries. Germany, the richest, is the top honcho, then there's France, Spain, Italy, Greece, etc.

Let me get this straight. Our governments give the ECB our money so that it can lend it out at 1% - and then the same money, our money, is lent back to our governments at anywhere from 5% to 6% or over?
Well, it's not exactly like that. Germany is rich and can  pay back its debts easily, so they get a rate of about 3% (on Wednesday they got a rate of 1.31%, the lowest in its history). Poorer countries like Greece, Ireland, Spain, Portugal, etc. get to pay 6, 7% or more.

You mean that as the owners of the money in the first place, we can't get our own money back even from a wank that we own?
Well, we're the owners of the money but you can't compare a street cleaner earning €600 a month, or an unemployed secretary to a shareholder taking in millions, or to a bank executive earning millions in salary and perks. These can pay back their loans easily, like Germany, though they need it much less than the others. It isn't much different to your own High Street branch. As they say, "A wank will lend you an umbrella only when it isn't raining."

And our governments accept all this?
Well, yes. You see, our governments have to be friends with the bankers - all political parties are; they have to finance elections. Our governments are ready for financial favours at any time. And our politicians are eager for a good job if they lose an election. And wanks have shares in all the large companies who need advisors and consultants to sit on their boards doing very little for a lot of money ...

But haven't the politicians been elected by us?
Yes, but as soon as we don't vote for then any more, they need a job, though they are always careful not to cut back any pensions or perks for themselves. No that anyone bothers to vote much any more.

Wonder why? But anyway, that's clear enough with this crisis, the very worst in many years. So how does the international financial system work, then?
The so-called 'financial system' turned the world of international finance into a giant casino. And remember, in a casino, in any kind of gambling, the wanker always wins, and this time, the wankers brought Europe and the US to its knees. 

It ends up that these important people, the wankers and politicians, take our money quite legally (well, they make the laws, don't they?) and leave the rest of us sucking wind, even though it's our money these important people end up with.
And then again, the governments on both sides of the Atlantic have had to make sure that the wanks get their money back, as they can't be allowed to collapse, can they? Of course, they do that with our money, not theirs.

So where did they get it to start with?
That's easy! From our pensions, our taxes, our salaries, our health care, our education ... Wherever the state's money comes from.

So, are any of those responsible in prison?
In prison? Don't be silly! They create a very sophisticated international finance system and they make the laws to help each other, so they also make sure they can get off scot free.
Wankers and politicians who don't think this is right get pushed aside or promoted upstairs - though not before ensuring a good piece of our pie for themselves in their golden parachutes.

So, we just sit here and take it?
Ah, that's not my problem. I'm just explaining things.

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